// Honest To Blog: Growing Up Is Hard

Y'all, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: getting older is the pits. I mean, it's not all bad. I do appreciate that I can now, at the age of 25, legally rent a car "just because" and I like that my car insurance has gone down... but other than that? Meh. I spend far too much time sitting and thinking about growing up. I remember being in middle school and thinking that 22 was the magic number. At 22 you totally had it together... You were graduating college, getting a "real" job, and all of that jazz. Now I see 22 in my rear view mirror and I can't help but feel slightly defeated at times.

"Success" and being an "adult" are totally relative things. They mean different things to different people, and I'm sure my version of it (or lack thereof) is wild compared to someone else's. Yet I can't help but sit down and think "When will I be a grown up? When will I get my crap together? When will I feel like I know what I'm doing with my life?!" It's kind of sad how many posts I write about this very topic on this very blog, but it's truly something that I feel has "plagued" me these past few years. Like, I'm legitimately responsible for keeping a small child alive... every single day! No matter how childish I feel, I still have to wake this kid up, feed him, dress him, teach him, etc. That's crazy to me. How can you be responsible for another life when you feel like a child yourself?

I feel pretty lucky that my biggest "problems" aren't really problems usually. Sometimes I get flustered that I won't score enough freelance work for the month, or something crazy will happen and our budget will be totally blown (it happens far too often than it should), but who doesn't have those thoughts? When I talk to people older than myself about "the tough times" it always amazes me about how many of them admit to basically living on Ramen and skipping the heat in their 20's. I feel like I've just always assumed that the other 20-somethings out there had their crap together and they didn't always feel like massive losers haha! Granted we don't live on Ramen and we have plenty of heat (thank goodness!), but I still worry about being self-employed and supporting a family without a "real" (read: corporate) job. I worry that I put my fingers in too many pies and that I've become more of a "jack of all trades" and a master at none. Ya know what I'm saying?! Anyone?! I tweeted something along those lines last night and I know it must've hit close to home to loads of people because my mentions feed was full of people favoriting that one. C'mon! It's nice to know you're not alone, right?

I know that I have a lot of readers that are older than me... I've received emails and comments from gals in their 30's, 40's, 50's, and even a lady in her 60's once. (Seriously, you don't even know how tickled I was to be on the receiving end of that email... it was like a crazy rad compliment) I bet I have plenty of readers who are way younger than me that honestly have twice the life experience that I do... and with that I want to ask you one thing: What kind of "obstacle" did you have to overcome when you were "growing up?" 

I'm sure plenty of you are in the same boat as me, regardless of age... feeling like you're still not a legitimate adult. But even still, you've experienced things! You've traveled the world on pennies. You've raised a house full of children on your own. You worked and paid your own way through college. You overcame your own self doubt and became the most baller version of yourself. Whatever it is that you've tackled, I want to hear about it! I need to hear about it.

Some days it's hard to just do daily tasks because they feel like they're leading to some distant dead end. I want to chase my passions and live my dreams as much as the next person, but I also don't want to be totally jaded about it. Does that make sense?

So what was the hardest chunk of time for you? The most trying? How long did it last and how did you come out on the other side of it? Do you have feelings like this, too? Gimme some good things to read here, y'all! Some days I feel like throwing in the towel and getting a corporate job haha I mean, I know that won't solve my problem of feeling like I'm in limbo, but at least it'd be a routine I could count on. Basically I just need to know that this sort of limbo-feeling isn't forever... that I will figure out my path before too terribly long. It's hard to have one set direction when you're constantly pulling yourself three or four ways, ya know? Inspire me (please)! xo

Remember this feature? I haven't done one in a long time (for a multitude of reasons... maybe I'll share those one day!) but I felt like it was as good of a day as any. It's been on my mind. -- Honest to Blog is a free-writing feature where I just write whatever my mind is thinking at the time... no filter, no edits. Feel free to browse the other HTB posts here.